Jennah's Journey: What I have learned & how to help those who are grieving/hurting this year...

Christmas Day 2015.

Beauty amidst great, great sorrow.

A family trying to continue on and pick up the pieces.

Fog. It like something weighs down heavily on the day.

I need to breath!

I don't want to celebrate!

It is just another thing that makes it official that she is gone.

Gone...

The word seems to echo with a loud thud and hit my heart like a load of bricks.

Gone...

It's like an annoying clanging that makes your ears ring.

Gone...

She is not coming back.

Gone...

This is life now as we know it.

I know, this is definitely not a "feel good" poem, but this is reality for those who have lost someone they loved.

To those who have lost a sister, brother, mother, father, grandparent, cousin, friend, child... I am so so sorry you have to go through this pain!! It's hard, isn't it? It's excruciating actually. Yeah, you know the heartache I write about, don't you? You understand the sleepless nights; the nightmares; the shock and confusion; the stabbing and relentless heartache and pain that never leaves you alone; going through the motions of your day, but really not having a clue what you're actually doing.. Yeah, you get it..

One of my favorite pictures of Grace.. That laugh
always made my day when I heard it..

I never got to say goodbye to my sister when she died this summer. One night she was there and the next day she was gone. I still can't remember if I got to even hug her before she left that night; it's like my brain won't let me remember.. I so badly want to! Grace was supposed to stand up in my wedding that summer.. she missed it by 10 days. 10 dark, sad days.. I miss her more than words can describe!! No one but Jesus knew me better than her. I still can't believe she is gone.. Every celebration, every Sunday at church, everything reminds me that she is gone. The pain and heartache is still so so fresh..

This was her bridesmaid dress...
She loved it!

Sometimes I feel like screaming to the world, "Just let me be not ok!! Let me cry! Let me hurt! Let me grieve my sister-I have every right to!!" It really is alright and good actually, to let individuals not be ok if they aren't. You don't need to run from it. Truly.

True beauty right here..

I have found that many people get uncomfortable and don't want us/me to cry or try to help find the silver lining. While that is all good and well, it is not what someone who is grieving needs. Especially right after the loss. Did you hear that? You can have the best intentions in the world! But trying to "fix" the problem by saying something or not wanting me/us (anyone who has lost someone) to cry.. yeah, it just doesn't work that way. It really hurts actually. Don't run from someone who is hurting and crying. Let them express their emotions; truly it is ok! Let them cry! Seriously, those who are grieving NEED to do it, so just cry and hurt with them! Crying is part of healing. It just is.

One of Grace's Senior pictures.
I love this one!!

So some individuals have told me they want to help, but don't know how because they have no clue what it's like to walk this journey. Here is some insight.. This is not an exhaustive list, but just a few thoughts, experiences and things I have learned so far..

Sometimes we want to be around people. Sometimes we don't. Most times, we just want to know we're not in this alone and that you care. Don't try to fix it, cause you know what? You can't. We have to hurt to heal. We have to cry, feel and let the pain out to grieve. We have to "not be ok" to be ok in the end. Most days we just go through the motions trying to live life, but we really are not all there; don't be offended if we mess something up, forget important dates or stuff that most people remember. Our brain and body is on overload and we just aren't all there.We are already beating ourselves up because we know we're messing stuff up. Please give us grace. Don't assume you know what we need. Everyone grieves differently and need different things. Keep reaching out, keep being there, continue to pray. One of the biggest things I would say is, love those who are hurting with action, not mere words. Why do I say this? Because anyone can talk. That's easy. But it takes work, effort, energy and time to love with action. And you know the saying. " No one cares how much you know, til they know how much you care." Yeah, well it is so true. Love isn't just a word, it is an action. When someone takes the time to hurt and suffer with me, that is when I truly feel loved. So forget all the advice-unless you have gone through something like this-and show your love and care through action.

Me and Grace on my birthday.
She totally knocked my socks off with a surprise!

Some practical things you can do for those grieving/hurting...

-Get them some groceries

-Bring them a meal/share a meal

-Set up a time to do dishes, scrub floors, etc

-Just be [with them].. seriously, it shows you care.

(Refrain from trying to fix or "give advice)

-Help do chores one night

-Pick up their kids from school

-Gift certificate for massage

-Listen. Don't just hear, zip your lips & just listen

-Remember the date their loved one passed & send them message,

card, call on the date of death

-Even if they don't respond, keep reaching out. Again, sometimes we just

don't have the energy to reach back. Doesn't mean we don't care,

we're just struggling. Don't take it personally

-Do something, not nothing

These are just some of my thoughts. I'm not a counselor, I'm not a professional. I'm just a broken person, speaking from my heart. I don't know all the answers, but I do know who does. So I leave you with this thought.. If even Jesus weeps and mourns with us, should we not also mourn and weep with those who mourn and weep?